Mother’s Day When You Are Raising Your Grandchild, What It’s Really Like…
Let’s talk about what’s really going on when you are raising your grandchild and someone says Happy Mother’s Day.
First of all, your grandchild/ren, are without their biological mother and they have feelings about that, more so on Mother’s Day. You being the surrogate mother by default, you are the one dealing with those feelings. Sure they try to put on a brave face and wish you a Happy Mother’s Day but sometimes they are looking at you like, “why do I have you and not her?” to be honest that feels pretty horrible. We already have mother guilt by nature, but when your child fails their child, there is even more guilt.
Now on to our daughter or son, for whom we became mothers. Their circumstances and hard to deal with. Maybe they are homeless or addicted, or have passed away? Most of the time, we have to compartmentalize these facts, but on Mother’s Day, it is all but impossible to not think about them, especially when the phone doesn’t ring, or when it does. No phone call hurts, but when there is a phone call, they usually have expectations of the child that they are not there for, to fill some void of their own guilt. As the grandparent raising your grandchild, you are navigating these difficult waters. You want to protect your grandchild and your child, and it isn’t a fun place to be in.
What about your other children? They feel like they somehow have to make it up to you for their sibling’s downfalls, and that doesn’t feel good for them or you really. Your partner feels the need to do the same thing out of their own guilt.
Mother’s Day seems to be a very BIG magnifying glass, on the elephant in the room, that being a mother/grandmother on Mother’s Day, kind of sucks.